photo by Geir Halvorsen
by :: Anamaria
A few weeks ago we invited you to reflect a bit on your communication style. Well, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting of my own lately, especially during the winter break. Some of you may already know that my house was full of family for Christmas: the Romanian side of the family. My side of the family.
And when my side of the family comes into our home, I sometimes find myself wondering how my interactions with my family are perceived by my US American husband.
Why am I saying that? Well, because of differences in communication styles between Romanian and US Americans.
Romanians, like many other Latins, are very expressive when we talk. We are loud (we seem loud to Americans), use a lot of gestures, stand pretty closely to each other. So, when we talk to each other, even if it’s on the phone, we always look to Americans like we are having a fight.
I can’t tell you how many times my husband asked me during the Christmas holiday, when my family was here, if everything was OK. I smiled every time he asked.
Of course everything is OK – I would respond – that’s just how we communicate.
The non-verbal behavior is not the only thing that is different.
WHAT we talk about is also VERY different from the topics that most American families would discuss. Basically, we don’t have many conversation subjects that are off limits. Especially among close family members.
It isn’t uncommon to hear Romanians talk about money, weight, or religion. In detail. Talking about these things often involves openly questioning each other’s choices or opinions on these topics. And somehow, rarely does one get upset or offended. Why? Because for Romanians, talking about this “very personal stuff” (which is how most US Americans perceive these subjects – personal) is a way to get closer to each other. To establish deeper, more meaningful relationships with people. To become close friends.
Needless to say…I had to adapt my communication style when I moved to the US. I was clueless about these things when I first moved to this country…so I made a lot of mistakes.
Some of the questions that I would ask my new American friends were being perceived as very personal, and quite intrusive.
I thought I was making friends, but it didn’t take me long to figure out that I wasn’t.
So, pretty soon I learned to communicate one way with Americans, and my old way with Romanians. It’s fascinating to me how people find ways of transitioning in and out of their culture – national or regional. Going in and out of different ways of communicating is definitely one aspect of this complex cultural transition.
What about you?
Have you experienced these transitions related to communication styles? Do you find yourself communicating one way with a cultural group, and a different way with another?
We love connecting with our readers! Why not…
::: Share your ideas and experiences by leaving a comment.
::: Follow Anamaria on Twitter.
::: Stay updated by subscribing to our RSS feed or email updates.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
In the introduction to my book, Do You Know What I Mean?–Discovering Your Personal Communication Style, I reflect on growing up in an Armenian-American family and how that influenced my understanding of communication.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you.
Bob
Hi Bob, thanks for your comment. I’m exploring your website right now and reading about your book on communication styles. Anamaria and I (Cate) give workshops on communication styles across cultures – it’s a topic we both find very fascinating!
Hi,
I would always remind them that Romanians are “Latin” and, therefore, they like to speak with passion and wave their hands about.
Interesting topic…Anamaria is right. Romanians use a lot of gestures and facial expressions, speak loudly and display their emotions in public. When they meet, people shake hands up close and do not then move away.
The older generation of men have chivalrous manners. They kiss the hands of women in greeting, open doors and let women go first (the younger men also, but they don’t kiss the hands of women in greeting).
And, as Anamaria said, a thing that often surprised my American friends was the passionate way me and my Romanian friends and colleagues spoke amongst ourselves. First they mistook our normal conversations for conflict.
Again, congratulations on such an interesting topic!
{ 1 trackback }